if you’re anything like me (a reasonably well-read person who gets visibly excited when the president of the united states addresses the public), then you probably also tuned in to the state of the union and heard the president of the united states say on tuesday night that “anyone who tells you that america is in decline or that our influence has waned, doesn’t know what they’re talking about.”  and then you immediately thought to yourself, “wtf.”

president obama is well known/regarded/maligned for his excellent oratorical skills.  so where the hell that line came from, i don’t know—but i sure as fuck hope he has polling data to show that voters in pennsylvania would respond well to that sort of playground bluster.  and the thing is, he probably does.

in any case, that odd/juvenile bit of phrasing got me wondering about what sort of political rhetoric appeals to me vs. my fellow americans, as well as the sort of things i like to read vs. my fellow americans’ taste in literature.  for example: i completely geek out about delillo; lots of my countrymen & women work themselves into a lather over dan brown & teenage wizards wearing color-coordinated scarves.  so i did some quick google searches to dig up speech transcripts from a few of the leading presidential candidates in 2012, then i plugged them into i write like to see if there were any interesting outcomes i could hastily assemble into a blog post, if not an actual voter’s guide (since you’ll likely learn as much here as you will from any televised debate sponsored by the likes of facebook).  here are my results:

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Life’s most persistent and urgent question is: ‘What are you doing for others?’
- dr. martin luther king, jr.

for those of you lucky enough to have a day off this coming monday, consider this a gentle reminder/public service announcement.  you have that day off because a man gave literally everything he had in service of others.  so consider doing your fellow man a solid this MLK day and volunteer your brilliant mind and/or brawny arms.  you can even do an advanced search on volunteer match for opportunities specific to education & literacy or arts & culture.  if that site doesn’t cover your particular locale, then try serve.gov for more volunteer opportunities.  hope to see your hung0ver asses out there.

anyone listening to the greatest radio dj of all time (a.k.a. john richards on kexp) in this new year is undoubtedly already familiar with this song.  he’s wasted no time in declaring it the best song of 2012 (which is precisely six days old now), and has even taken to playing the song twice, back to back, on the air.  but there are no complaints here.

“ho hey” is the kind of simple/happy pop song that makes people tune into the radio in the first place.  i remember when matthew sweet’s “girlfriend” was all over the charts back in the day, and how at the time sweet said something to the effect of how it was just a dumb pop song, and of course the dumbest pop songs turn out to be the biggest hits.

i don’t know if “ho hey” qualifies as a dumb pop song or not. but anyone can see from the video below (or from this performance in denver, or just about any other video you dig up on youtube) that this band plays this song with unabashed joy.  no ironic detachment.  no hiding behind, well, anything.  they’re just happy to be singing—and sometimes that’s enough.

but next time i promise i’ll write either a real post, or put up a video of this great chipmunk-cheerleader-death metal-banjo funk band i heard playing under a sewer grate the other day.

because there aren’t any actual, direct political messages in these videos, i think we can get away with calling this a “culture” related post for bark.  i could also call it the funniest thing i’ve seen on the internet in 3,000 years.  i could also also call it “the post no one will even see because it’s the week between x-mas & new year’s and everyone is off on holiday and enjoying non-webby things.”  for those lucky few who are slaves to their screens, enjoy these fine samples of bad lip reading from funny or die…

“free bananas!”

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i’ve been meaning to write a post for a while now about the secondhand books one finds in a shop.  the guardian had a nice piece over the summer that i hoped to replicate on bark, and thus learn all about your favorite discoveries, dear reader(s).  then i had to go and fucking ruin it by not writing that post.  not to mention that jonathan and cathie wrote such lovely posts about used books that my original idea just seems stupid by comparison.  so now i’m gonna do something totally, totally different.  i’m gonna write about used cds instead.

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if you asked my friends to identify the parcel of pop culture they think is most meaningful for me, you’d probably get a few (not totally inaccurate) responses: star wars (3-PO is atop my x-mas tree right now); batman (a frequently misunderstood/brilliant character); the music of the national, radiohead, or pearl jam; the mid-career novels of don delillo; or even the muppets.  but there is one pop culture touchstone which seems to trump them all: high fidelity.

it’s unconscionable how much time i’ve spent watching that movie.  yeah, i’ve read the nick hornby novel, too, but the movie (coincidentally?) set in chicago is the one i keep going back to:  when i learn something about actual relationships that i should have learned waaaaay back on my 57th viewing.  when i’m happily drunk.  when i’ve just been dumped by a girl.  when i want to hear to hear lisa bonet’s character cover peter frampton (the absence of which is a tragic oversight on the soundtrack album).

anyway, this week i returned once more to the adventures of my hapless hero, rob gordon (as played by john cusack)—primarily for his thoughts on what makes a good mix tape.  primarily because this past week i made a pretty damn good mix for someone, but (in the words of rob himself) “did not give it to them for personal reasons.”

(coincidentally?) a friend of mine who is a teacher recently received a mix cd from one of their students.  as in, the student presented the cd in the course of asking this teacher out to dinner.  before grades were finalized.  yeah—i know, right?  kids these days… nevertheless, i couldn’t help but reflect on the legitimacy of music mixes as a companion piece to communicating (like, you know, grown-ups do).  especially when using rob gordon’s opinion as a starting point:

the making of a good compilation is a very subtle art—many do’s and don’ts.  you’re using someone else’s poetry to express how you feel.  this is a delicate thing.

obviously, even the best curated setlist is no replacement for real dialogue between people.  but is there still a place for a good mix when you’re talking about a developing adult relationship?  can a mix be thoughtfully compiled and presented as a meaningful aide to communicating?  or is it hopelessly juvenile to try sketching out real emotion by simply putting pop songs in a particular order?  maybe it should just be a nice gift to give to friends as they drive off into the sunset?

let’s take a poll.  use the comments section to describe the last time you made a mix for someone, including the relationship you had to this person, the occasion for the giving, and (if ye be so bold) the tracklist itself.  put it all out there for the world to see, you pathetic bastards.

so you go to see a show.  and you’ve been looking forward to this show for, like, ever.  because you love this band.  ever since you saw them for the first time at the double door, in 2006, when your little brother dragged you to see some dudes you’d never heard of—you’ve been obsessed with this band for reasons you can’t even fathom.  you had to see them again that summer at pitchfork, and again two years later at lollapalooza, and the year after that at pitchfork again, and the summer after that at mfnw in portland.  you’re totally retarded for this band.  because they do that thing for you that lydia millet talks about, even if you don’t know why.

and you’ve been trapped inside your head of late, can’t mentally escape the non-stop, 24-hour, dance-til-you-drop marathon that is your completely unbearable/obscenely comfortable middle class life in america.  you’re just looking to forget that you even exist on earth for a couple hours while this band takes you to magical places heretofore unseen (excepting, of course, the times this band took you to those exact places before).  you want it to be exciting & invigorating & great just like it was before, but new, all at the same time.  you’re banking on this band coming through for you, and saving your life from another bullshit night in suck city (which really doesn’t suck at all)(but kinda).  and you’ve already had one jack&coke, but you’re not feelin’ it yet, and so you have another because you think maybe that’ll help you stop fucking thinking already about that stupid errand you have to run at old navy tomorrow.

and then the lights go down in this tiny ballroom that sold out ages ago, and the giant screen on stage is showing live images of the band in the green room, and the crowd was already ecstatic for both the openers, and you’re really to be obliterated.  but the band is, well, only okay.

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ever since i moved back to chicago last summer, this city’s been kicking my ass with a non-stop flurry of excellent readings.  the latest in a long line of awesomeness? write club.  this particular series is a reading dual (as in, writers facing off against one another) with three rounds, each round featuring two new participants reading their work.  the installment i saw on tuesday was a thanksgiving themed show, with david kodeski writing about “hungry” vs. rachel claff writing about “full,” edward thomas-herrera writing about “thanks” vs. ian belknap (the show’s host) writing about “but no thanks,” and chris bower writing about “breast” vs. diana slickman writing about “leg.”

each of the readers gave an excellent performance, and the audience was generally split over who the winner was in each round.  but i wish you could’ve seen/heard (or read) belknap’s “no thanks,” as his piece & delivery was especially excellent.  i tried the google yesterday, but to no avail.  so, in lieu of that, i encourage you to enjoy “the japanese giant hornet“—available via his blog in text format or a kinda poor video (from yet another great local lit series: the encyclopedia show).

here’s an excerpt, concerning the title insect’s preying habits:

And here’s the kicker: they LOOK RIGHT AT YOU, these Hornets, as they are devouring adorable, flightless ducklings. Entomologists in both field conditions and in laboratory settings report that the Hornet will, when engaging in this sickening display of avian dismemberment and evisceration, meet the gaze of observers with their dead, soulless eyes in what researchers from the University of Osaka report is “an insolent manner” and that “specimens seemed to be defying research personnel to stop them”.

somehow, i missed sam jackson reading go the fuck to sleep when it hit the interwebs this past summer.  if you did, too, then follow that link on over to the onion a.v. club (because i can’t figure out how to embed the video) and watch the master at work.

but even if you saw that, perhaps you will still enjoy this: a random filipino lady reading the same great work.

(via happy time now!)

birds were hip before you even knew: logos from the 1960s & 70s.

listen to a full stream of andrew bird’s new release: the norman soundtrack.

jonathan franzen maybe talks a little shit about dfw’s nonfiction.

dean wareham interviews stephen malkmus.

what does music do to your brain?  “humans are hard-wired to respond” to it.

guess what?  your brain doesn’t like bad stuff.

steve almond looks at the occupy wall street movement and reflects on his father’s civil protests decades ago.

a writer on the millions sees a modern day bartleby the scrivener in occupy wall street.

i recently started doing some web work for the lit pub, which basically gives you daily personal essays for books you should read (and sometimes music recommendations you might like related to those books).  htmlgiant interviewed founder molly gaudry when it launched this summer.  sam ligon, of bark and willow springs fame, already has an essay up there on kamby bolongo mean river.

you can let robots choose books for you at booklamp.org, which describes itself as pandora for books.

i can never tell any of the beastie boys apart.