This year while the world plays at AWP, I’ve decided to start a cult. I broke into a fellow faculty member’s office and left the following statue:
chicken wire, constitutional rights, spray paint
“It represented a monster of vaguely anthropoid outline, but with an octopus-rabbit-like head whose face was a mass of feelers, a scaly, rubbery-looking body, prodigious claws on hind and fore feet, and long, narrow wings behind. […] The leporidae head was bent forward, so that the ends of the facial feelers brushed the backs of huge fore paws which clasped the croucher’s elevated knees. The aspect of the whole was abnormally life-like, and the more subtly fearful because its source was so totally unknown. Its vast, awesome, and incalculable age was unmistakable; yet not one link did it shew with any known type of art belonging to civilisation’s youth–or indeed to any other time.” – H.P. Lovecraft
Need assistance getting your FAFSA processed, your car registered, or any other terrifying reality of bureaucracy? Ask the great elder deity Bunnythulhu to help you through the chain of command, defined responsibilities, and mirrors of professionalism.
The German sociologist and administrative scholar, Max Weber, writes that while bureaucracy may be essential for modern geopolitical entities, it can lead to a “polar night of icy darkness,” where individual human freedoms become trapped in the “iron cage” of rule-based rationalizations.
Of this same monstrosity, Lovecraft writes, “When I think of the extent of all that may be brooding down there I almost wish to kill myself forthwith. Johansen and his men were awed by the cosmic majesty of this dripping Babylon of elder daemons, and must have guessed without guidance that it was nothing of this or of any sane planet.”
Says one touched by the terrors of Bunnythulhu, “I shall never sleep calmly again when I think of the horrors that lurk ceaselessly behind life in administrative processing, bounded authority, and job-scope specialization hierarchies, and of those unhallowed blasphemies from elder stars which dream beneath the sea of paperwork.”
Bunnythulhu is a member of the Cthulhu mythos, a malevolent minor deity that is most often associated with bureaucratic woes. Petition for a favor by leaving some offerings for Bunnythulhu–marigolds, chocolate, oranges, chiles, votives, or even personal effects. To sway favor, leave your offering and recite the incantation: “!Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Bunnies-thulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!”
The fellow faculty member added the witch squid as an offering. Her name is “Ursula.” The sacrificial altar is a Constitutional Law Rights book.