A New Dawn, A New Day. Sunrise: 7:57am.
2013 will be a very different year for me. Not because I’m promising to fulfill resolutions, but because I’m living differently. For one, I won’t be traveling in seven countries as I did last year. And I hope not to be unemployed and homeless for eight months out of twelve. But that had been the plan. And this year I don’t have one; usually I have a plan.
I made the decision to start this year unemployed. It’s a scary decision, especially when I feel I ought to be equally supporting my household, but it seemed necessary. As fun as people-reading was, and as important as I feel it is to fight for equality, it is not a career path for me. Because the job was more often draining than invigorating, regardless of my passion for the work, it seemed impossible to simultaneously search for career opportunities that better suited me. Plus, a week’s earnings were equivalent to my highest paying days when I taught in South Korea. In some ways, I can’t help but think it was stupid to leave Seoul a year ago, where I worked half as many hours and earned nearly four times as much than at my short-lived minimum wage job as a grassroots fundraiser.
But which career path best suits me? Probably not becoming a lifelong expat.
I used to get paid to hang out with small, adorable Korean children (and teach them an advanced American-style curriculum).
Even as a youth, I never thought I’d like doing the same thing for forty-plus years. I thought I’d have to change it up each decade, keep things interesting. This seems impossible to actually practice.
Water Tables Are Truly Awesome. And Moist.
When I was sixteen I made the decision to work at an educational kids play place (think Chuck E. Cheese’s, but swap out the ball pits and slides for a bubble room, water tables, Lego building stations) simply because my friends worked there. Because I had experience with children and play, my next job was at an educational toy store called Zany Brainy (where there were no toy guns or Barbies, but science experiment toys and second-language-teaching dolls). I taught summer reading programs through the toy store, and performed basic retail tasks (cashier, store maintenance, customer service, gift wrapping).
In college I continued my path of working with children, yet branched out a teeny bit: I worked as an assistant teacher at a multicultural anti-bias education after school program and as a research assistant. Both jobs suited me. I liked research and I was good at it. I majored in English and minored in Chinese and Women’s Studies, and earned a certificate in Asian and Asian American Studies.
I don’t mean to tell a linear life story about my work experience. But I can’t help thinking how one thing led to another and to another. In school I remember learning about the apprentice system and I remember thinking something like: Omigod, that would totally suck to choose a career or skill (or worse, have your parents choose it) when you’re 12 or 13 and have to be a blacksmith or cobbler for the rest of your life. To be fair, people didn’t live as long then. But these days I’m reconsidering the prospect of apprenticeship; wouldn’t it be nice to become a master of a specific skill?
Glass Blowing Doesn’t Blow
Oh wait, I am a master. I have a Master of Fine Arts degree in Creative Writing. I’ve taught university courses. I’ve taught kindergarten, middle school, and high school abroad. I’ve taught writing workshops in a retirement community, a women’s prison, a queer youth center, in public schools.
In fact, all of my experience seems to be in education just because my friends Sam and Wayne worked at Imagination Works in high school and encouraged me to apply. But I’m not sure I want to be a teacher forever. It’s just what I started doing, and then I kept doing it because it’s what I had experience in. Because of a choice I made when I was 16. I don’t technically have a degree in teaching, or a certificate, so I can’t teach in public schools in America. I could teach at a private school or college or university. Is that what’s best for me?
I love teaching, but do I want to do it for the next forty years? It renews me and rejuvenates me. Sometimes I can feel drained or overwhelmed (especially during a heavy grading period), but often I am inspired when working. I connect with students. All the grading feels worth it when I see that a pupil gets it, progresses, improves. I myself feel self-improvement all the time when teaching. Teaching also wills me to write more (especially when I’m teaching creative writing or literature). This sounds like a great cycle to me. Why am I hesitating?
Well, I have other experience and training. I could be an editor or work in publishing. I could work in event planning, human resources, office management, as an intern or volunteer coordinator. In fact, I’m confident that with even a small amount of training I could perform a vast number of jobs with great competency. There are a couple of problems: I don’t know which to choose and employers want you to have specific past experience doing what they are hiring for. But I don’t want to do the same job over and over. I want to grow and bring all of my talents to a position.
I have so many interests and skills across the board that it’s difficult to narrow my focus. What if I choose the wrong thing because that was the job that was open and then I get stuck there for 20 years? This is an actual concern of mine. I feel like I’d fit in great at a non-profit because they often need a generalist rather than a specialist; I’m good at everything. People always tell me this and I believe it’s (generally speaking) true. I’m proficient in computer-related tasks, type 90 wpm, use Photoshop with ease, have terrific communication skills, am organized, and am friendly and personable. I work hard. When I’m paid to do a job, I want to do it and do it well. I forever want to exceed expectations. People who know me say things like, “who wouldn’t hire you?”
But I’m afraid my resume looks scattered instead of decisive. My career path has ten years of: Education. Academia. Education., even though I never really intended to be a lifelong teacher. “What were you doing in Korea for three years?” I fear a potential employer will ask. I imagine myself saying, “I love it there; my life was comfortable; my students were amazing and adorable.” It’s not a good enough answer. But I was teaching again because I had experience teaching. It was a way to get paid to travel and explore. I get the impression that people assume that I was running away, or goofing off instead of settling into a career, unless, of course, I’m applying to teach. Am I projecting? That’s definitely what some of my coworkers were doing–drinking their paychecks, escaping a bad relationship. For me, I was having an adventure with my partner, paying off some debt, learning a new language. It was awesome. I mean, if I could, I’d be a professional student forever, but I can’t invest in learning another new skill right now (I also picked up a yoga teaching certificate the year before last).
Seoul even has mountains in the city. I miss…
Many of my friends are in their fifth year of a career job. They are settled in; they’ve been promoted once or twice. Some have gone back to school. Some are married or own property or drive nice cars or all of the above. Some have children or will soon. It never seemed attractive to me to do the expected. I’m glad I’ve gotten to travel with Hannah; I’m bummed we still have student loan debt. But to be honest, I’m glad we don’t own property or have a dog (though I, at times, really wish we had a puppy). Even with a decade of experience in the education field, I’ve worked mostly on yearly contracts. I guess I like feeling free of all those things that can tie people down. Maybe I’m afraid of commitment? But I’m also ready to settle into Seattle instead of roaming again this year. Maybe starting in a “career job” would help; it would certainly help with financial stability.
I am beginning 2013 free from my former careerless job. I’m looking for something that will help me continue to grow while planted. With ten years of experience teaching, I am looking to branch out. This is a different kind of adventure I’m embarking upon—hopefully one of continued self-discovery. I also hope to realize that taking a job doesn’t mean I’ll be there for the next two decades (unless I want to be). While I tend to prefer a plan, it’s oddly nice to have the year unfold with little expectations. Is it a little crazy? Yes. Am I freaking out? Some hours of some days. It’s as if all the doors and windows have been flung open, then the exterior wall has fallen away or else been torn off by a single gust of wind. I’m standing on the second story, facing the ocean, wind in my hair, the camera backing away and panning to the endless horizon, the sheer cliff of possibilities. My mind is very dramatic. Happy New Year!
Tags: abroad, career, contract, editor, employment, job, new year, non-profit, plan, professor, resume, salary, seoul, teacher, Travel, writer
Nice entry!
Chill out. You have so many choices, and if you can afford to sit around and do nothing for a while, that is the best choice, because how often will you be able to do that?
Don’t worry about your resume, or interviews, or any of that garbage. Just be yourself and you’ll find something that is right for you. I always hated going into interviews and people asking questions about my experience, wanting to hear how every decision I made was somehow leading up to my ass landing in that seat across the table from them so that in a few sentences I could explain to them how my very existence was ony justified by my ability to meet their needs. The best job interview I ever had was for a guy who had a jewelry repair shop, it had been in his family for 3 generations, and they wanted a driver to pick up and drop off the orders from the stores. He handed me an application, I got my name, address, phone, and SS# on there and before I could start filling out the work history part he snatched it away from me and said, “Are you on drugs?” I said, “No, I don’t do drugs.” And he said, “You’re hired.” That was the first job I ever had that I stayed at for an entire year.
I guess what I’m saying is, chill out, be yourself, the world is your oyster. Or maybe it’s your clam. I don’t know. But I do know it’s yours.
Thanks, Pete. I would like to assure you that I’m pretty chilled out. I’m just thinking on the page about everything. I’ve always felt pulled in ten different directions, imagining the me that lives in all the alternative universes…
Can’t wait to see what’s going to happen next in this one!
loved this. I feel the same way in many ways. The past 4 years have been spent working with kids and while I love kids and I work well with them, it’s not what I want to do forever, but my resume is a crazy mish-mash of things too…. I miss you!
Yeah. I also don’t mind doing things that I love for now…because I know I can always change what I’m doing later. But I do know people who have “gotten stuck” somewhere and feel like they have no options to get out. I, on the other hand, believe there are always opportunities (you might just have to do a little hunting and make some sacrifices to find them).
Beautiful! I feel very similarly about my life- my lack of ability to decide what to do “with my life”, having so many different interests, being torn between travelling and “settling down”… I appreciate hearing that someone else out there is uncertain. :o) But I know you that everything will work out in the end and your experiences will further shape the person you will become, the person you are meant to be. There are no wrong decisions!
I think as long as you’re happy, then you’re a-okay. It’s okay to feel a little uncertain some of the time. If we were completely sure about every choice, what fun would that be? Did you finally make it back to the USA or are you still on the road? How far south did you get?
When I got out of grad school, I think I was too focused on finding a job that would be a stepping stone into my career. I loved teaching and was lucky to be able to patch together various adjunct positions for a number of years, and that was all fine. But I sometimes think it would have been better to spend a few years focused almost only on writing — or at least have made that the only work that really mattered. I did love teaching, though, and still do. If you’re not sure what you want to do, and you’re not starving, taking this time to find your next thing sounds perfect.
My theory is that I need to find a job where I can just do the job when I’m there and leave it when I leave (but something I’m at least somewhat passionate about and/or enjoy my coworkers’ company), and then still be able to write when I get home. I need to find a fabulous restaurant to work in…or something.
Alternately, I could apply to a million writing fellowships and hope I get one of them. Sigh.
Restaurant that brings in huge tips sounds so good….
There’s a growing support for renewing the idea of apprenticeship, though so far as I know it is tied to the idea of being a student (see: Peter Thiel and Salman Khan), or to “learning a trade” (see: the decade of summers I spent working road construction). I’m in a similar boat, in that I’m not sure that what I’m doing now–teaching ESL and Adult Basic Education–at a community college is what I want to do forever. That said, it’s provided me thus far with seemingly limitless opportunity to grow in knowledge and experience. I received a post-baccalaureate certificate in TESOL training here in Seattle. It was a month-long, highly intensive program that I wasn’t sure was the right thing for me to do. It was risky, because it meant spending my last dollars on tuition for this thing I didn’t know whether I would be passionate about. I find that I am, but I think that many, many things could have resulted in the same experience. I think there’s something to the idea that millenials are encouraged to think that there’s a perfect career out there for them, and that they shouldn’t be doing something if they’re not passionate about it, when it reality, it often takes a few years of working hard and gaining specific skills and experience to find that you are, to your surprise, very satisfied with your work. This is not to say that you should stick with teaching; only that you need neither feel limited by or beholden to what you are doing now or what you have done. I’ll grant you that our system of education resulting in certification followed by experience in that field does make it difficult for those of us who want to change careers. As a sidenote, a few years ago, I described myself in the very same way you did (as a generalist with many skills) and sought hard after positions at nonprofits, only to find that, in fact, there are people who go to school for those jobs, too.
Totally. And I’m usually satisfied with every job I work. Which is a good thing.
Because I put my all into my work, and I devote myself to my company, my school, my organization, I feel passionately about all that I do. Until something doesn’t sit right. And then I feel the need to move on. It’s not the fault of the place or of me. There’s usually just some sort of mental shift.
I want to find a place where I can keep giving everything, growing with the space. Or else, feel satisfied with my work and make time for my other work: writing, photography.
You will! I know you will. ;)