Everything I know about Love I learned from holiday movies

Are we in love yet?

1) If the ground is icy I will slip and a handsome man will catch me. He will join my embarrassed laughter but as he tries to steady me our faces will suddenly become very close. We will lock eyes. We need to hold this position for at least 3 seconds.

2) If I am a workaholic I need to learn to “live in the moment.” I will dye my hair, take chances, buy some kicky clothes, and fall in love. All in 48hrs.

3) If I am selfish I have one weekend to help change the life of an underprivileged inner-city kid who is preferably a different race than my own.

4) If I am afraid of commitment I need to learn to trust again. This will only take two days.

5) Sidewalks, airport terminals, and country roads are for running. Towards the love of my life. Before they get away. Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal!

6) If I bring a “fake” boyfriend home for the holidays to trick my family into thinking I’m no longer single then the following will occur:

  • Awkward bedroom arrangements will be made. I will probably see him naked. Or he will see me naked. Either way someone’s walking in on someone doing something and we will both shriek in horror.
  • Someone will demand to see us kiss and we will both act hesitant but as we pull away a single moment of je ne sais quoi will pass between us.
  • Someone will discover he is fake. Everyone will feel betrayed and outraged. Everything will fall apart but as he drives away we will suddenly realize our true feelings.
  • By the end of the 3 day weekend we will both be in love. Guaranteed.

7) That guy I hate? The one who is trying to sabotage my career? Soon I will realize he is my soul mate.

8)  If our first kiss is outdoors, snow will immediately begin to fall.

9)  If our first kiss in indoors, a puppy will try to join in and we will laugh and laugh and laugh.

10)  My family is big, boisterous, meddling, and all staying in my family’s cabin for the holidays. An important conversation will occur while someone is doing the dishes.

11)  My mother will make snappy comments about my hair and love life. She wants to control me. But it’s because she loves me very much.

12)  My mother is dead. And when I finally talk about it with a handsome stranger, piano music will  play softly in the background.

13)  My mother and I will sit on the edge of the bed as we both cry and laugh, healing some deep emotional scar that’s been there for years.

14)  My mother will hide the fact that she’s dying of some rare disease because she doesn’t want to ruin the holidays. She is very brave.

15)  My father will gruffly sit down next to me as I contemplate my most recent love-debacle and he will put his arm around me. He will call me “kid.”

16)  My father and I will sit on the edge of the porch as we both laugh and cry, healing some deep emotional scar that’s been there for years.

17)  Everyone in my life will stand en masse around the Christmas tree and stare in silence. Isn’t this nice?




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