What fascinated me most about last week’s gleeful torpedoing of Lifetime’s Liz and Dick was how everyone tuned in to see if the film would be as terrible as they expected. Really? If?? The network that brings you I Married My Dog Because I’m Blind and Thought It Was My Ex-Husband and Whoops Is That a Baby Coming Out of My Vagina? made a film that wasn’t award-worthy? Bitch, please.
Lindsay Lohan and I go way back. And because of this I’ve always been rooting for her. Plus, as I mentioned in my defense of celebrity gossip, I love a good comeback story.
But recently (and by recently I mean the last seven years?) it’s been pretty difficult to keep the spirit alive on Team Lindsay.
But like I said: Lindsay and I go way back.
In sixth grade one of my friends was absent for approximately 80% of the school year. She was in Los Angeles working as a double for Disney’s remake of The Parent Trap. I remember the first time she came back to school my friends scrambled out to the playground and assaulted her with questions: What is Dennis Quaid like? How late do you get to stay up? Do people yell at you? But most of all we wanted to know about the unknown actress who had been cast in the lead. What was her name again?
My friend described Lindsay as being really energetic (and had asthma). A little braggy (at one point Lindsay explained she would get an Oscar). And for the wrap-party she got a CRAP LOAD of presents (I remember this most of all. I saw photos of her clutching a faux leopard coat and I thought “man, she’s lucky”).
My connection to Lindsay increased once the movie came out. As it turned out 12-year-old Lindsay looked quite a bit like 12-year-old Cathie. So much so that people started pointing it out. All the time. On streets. In stores. On vacations. My sixth grade catch-phrase could have been, “Yes I’ve seen Parent Trap and yes people have told me I look like her.” My dentist once insisted on taking a photo with me so he could show his daughter. I think it was the freckles.
Because of all this I’ve followed Lindsay’s career a little more closely than other celebrities. And because of all this it was mesmerizing to watch her sad spiral. And maybe because of all of this I still feel for her.
Obviously she has made shitty decisions, repeated shitty mistakes, surrounded herself with shitty people and refused to take responsibility for her shitty actions.
But it’s bizarre how much joy people seemed to get from tearing not only Liz and Dick apart, but Lindsay as well. To the point of giddy bullying.
I’m not saying celebrities don’t bring the attention (both negative and positive) upon themselves, and Lord knows Lindsay is addicted to attention and negative choices. But anyone with two eyes and a brain can see that Lindsay is not well. She hasn’t been for a long time. And her family repeatedly shoves her head back under water just as she seems to catch her breath.
Were any of us genuinely surprised when she got in a drunken brawl after Liz and Dick tanked? No. But she’s already down: let’s not kick her even more.