Typewriter: You have a respect for the old traditions. You have a respect for a time when writers had to be thoughtful and deliberate and choose each word carefully, for a time before this modern era of Copy & Paste. You are a typing purist. Or, more likely, you are jumping on the vintage bandwagon. You’ve noticed it is trendy to use old things for modern purposes and so here you are with your typewriter. You insist on telling everyone you meet all about your “writing process.” You are very interested in talking about your “writing process” and comparing it to the processes of great writers of the past – writers who were thoughtful and deliberate and used typewriters. Of course, if you are being honest, you spend quite a bit more time talking about this process than you spend writing.
Quill & Ink: You are a member of the landed gentry. You eat three Cornish game hens a day as well as one endangered species (chef’s choice). Even your servants have servants.
Etch-a-Sketch: You’re quirky. I’ll bet you’re real quirky. You write haikus and limericks on the subject of flightless birds. You also do performance art and enjoy participating in flash mobs.
Pencil: You are willing to admit you sometimes make mistakes. You strive to better yourself in all walks of life. You are always prepared to take a standardized test.
Mechanical Pencil: Much like regular pencil users, you too are aware of your own shortcoming and aim to repair any damage (actual or perceived) you may have done whenever possible. But unlike regular pencil users, you have a low tolerance for wasted movement and resources. Why sharpen when you can simply click? Why allow a once reasonably sized writing instrument to dissolve into an awkward, tiny nub? You are a busy adult with many important things to do. You cannot be wasting your time with such nonsense.
Colored Pencil: Ummm….is it okay to call them that? I don’t feel like it’s okay to call them that.
Label Maker: You’re something of an attention seeker and eager to leave your mark. You’re also prone to brevity.
Hammer and Chisel: What’re you? Michelangelo?
Adding Machine: You are probably not actually writing. You are probably doing math.
Sidewalk Chalk: You are what people kindly refer to as a “free spirit.” You have long, flowing hair and you wear a lot of bright colors. And scarves. Lots of bright scarves. You love all living things and you never ever let The Man get you down. You cultivate your own soybean plants in mason jars. You have never held a job or paid rent. Your prose is reflective of these themes.
Sharpie: You’re so emo. No one understands you.
Finger Bone & Human Blood: So…okay…so…I should go. I’m gonna…yeah…I should be heading out now. Yeah, it’s just, I have a lot to do today, so I should really be….on my way. Please unlock the door so I can go? Thanks.
Cattle Brand: Cowboy? I reeeeaaaaally hope you’re a cowboy.
Finger Painting: Your caretakers have forbidden you from having sharp, or otherwise pointy, objects.
Computer: You are a normal person living in the 21st century.