If My Thesis Filled Out A Personality Quiz

This isn't really an adolescent dragon. This is what my thesis wants to grow up and become one day.

So I’m suffering from Post Thesis Defense Depression, meaning my thesis used to be this grand, exciting, and unknowable thing that I was obsessed with thinking about or actively not thinking about, and now it’s this sad stack of papers on the front seat of my car and I don’t know what to do with it.

So, I offer you of the barkworld this bit of self-indulgent fun in an attempt to relive that connection I had with my thesis:

If my thesis was an animal, it would be an adolescent dragon.

If my thesis were candy, it would be a bubblegum lollipop.

If my thesis was your nanny, it would read you a bedtime story. A dark and twisty bedtime story.

If my thesis won the lottery, it would buy a big house where we all could live. And then it would get tired of everyone and sleep in a tent in the yard.

If my thesis was a cop, it would be undercover.

If my thesis was a criminal, you would never find the bodies.

If my thesis took you on a date, you would go to a nice restaurant. Or maybe a mediocre diner. Any place that has steak knives.

If my thesis was a joke, you would laugh. And then you would wonder why you were laughing. And then you would have to confront the darkness of your own humor/humanity.

If my thesis had a superpower, it would see right through me.

If my thesis was your friend, it would give you a teddy bear. And then, after some time had passed, it would set the bear on fire. And then it would tell you to suck it up. And then it would give you a hug.

If my thesis was a film, it would be this one: Write Your Own Ending (double click on the box that says Write Your Own Ending). No seriously, go watch it. And maybe vote for it. It was based off of one of my poems, yet somehow managed to capture the feel of my whole thesis. (Much love to the guys at Spokane’s 50 Hour Slam and to everyone who played a role in this little film. You made my life a little awesomer.)

If my thesis was food, I would eat it. And so would you. Maybe.

That is all.



  • Melissa says:

    Nice post. I think the teddy bear one is my favorite.

    Maybe it’s a good thing that Post Thesis Defense Depression is happening while you are still in the community and everyone is still here celebrating how awesome you all are. Because that way you don’t have combined Post Thesis Defense Depression and Post Program Depression. I have no words of wisdom because I fail at life, usually, but I think it’s normal to be in a weird head space after you’ve reached a stopping point on this huge project that you’ve dedicated all your time and energy toward for so long. But once you remember that you’re not actually done with your thesis, that you get to keep working on it and work toward finishing it as a book, you’ll have a goal to work toward again and won’t feel quite so adrift.

    Also, dark & twisty FTW!

    • Kmac says:

      Thanks Melissa. And not to be contrary, but you do have some wisdom my dear so thanks for trying to make the defended peeps feel better.

  • Cathie Smathie says:

    Love the idea of a thesis hiding dead bodies!
    My thesis has 3 previously dead/reanimated things in it. I think my thesis would help your thesis with the digging. There’s a shovel in my thesis’ trunk.

  • Fitz says:

    “it would buy a big house where we all could live”
    I could only think of Elton John’s “Your Song” when I read that, except I couldn’t remember what it was called or who sang it until I Googled the lyrics. My brain is melting and my thesis hasn’t even started yet. If my thesis was an omen, it would be a big black dog.

    But what I actually wanted to say was.. I tried really hard to piece this all together and think about what it says about your thesis and I have no idea (melted brain, remember), but I DO know I am even more excited to read it now. Rock on.

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