So, John, your name is John.
I’ve been reading a lot lately. That’s always good. But every once in a while I’ll come across a book or manuscript that does one thing so well, so often, or so poorly that it makes me go a little nuts.
I was told by a professor a long time ago that I should listen to how people actually talk in order to get a handle on how to write dialogue. It’s good advice, and something that I think many people could stand to listen to. I read a manuscript a couple of weeks ago that featured two characters side-by-side, almost indivisible. The POV bounced back and forth between them, they sounded like the same people, they liked most of the same things, etc. I’m pretty sure the author had zero intention of them being interchangeable, but they were. And maybe that’s the reason the author resorted to using their names over and over and over and over.
Example of a short conversation between them:
“John, do you know what day it is?”
“No, Steve, what day is it?”
“It’s Thursday, John.”
“Thanks, Steve.”
“No problem, John.”
“See you later, Steve.”
That’s pretty well how it went throughout the manuscript (or at least as far as I read).
Does that sound normal to you? Who does that? Have you ever said somebody’s name more than twice during the course of a conversation? Sure, maybe if you talked for two hours. But the repetition of characters’ names goes up there on the list of things that are bad about dialogue (or LoTTABAD), along with the following:
LoTTABAD
(Examples are slightly modified but pretty much what I have seen come across my desk in the last week.)
1. Using dialogue to provide exposition (surprisingly common): “Gosh, I didn’t realize the Great Pyramid of Giza was the tallest man-made structure in the world for over 3,800 years. And I can hardly believe it has eroded more than twenty-five feet!”
2. Using dialogue to do absolutely nothing (can be helpful if you’re actually developing a character’s social persona, but not when you use it all the friggin time): “Hi, how are you?” “Good, you?” “I’m good.” “Good.” “Yep.” “See ya later.” “Okay.”
3. Dialogue that sounds like two people who barely know the language (but really it’s because the author doesn’t understand what a sentence is): “Hey the trucks on fire we shouldgo help them what are you wearing.” “Its a bonnet my grandma gave me when she died cause she got run over my dog left yesterday have you seen him.”
4. Using names all the friggin time.
5. Characters who sound the same (often exacerbated by a poor attempt to make them sound like they’re British): “This is precisely why I have never, ever, upon my word, been part of something so nostalgically disturbing.” “Indeed, I wouldn’t deem to think of such things for fear of awful happenings coming upon me.”
What else?
Constant profanity, even though it happens in everyday conversation and can sound just fine in a movie, is incredibly irritating and even distracting on the page.
Also: Stop indicating that your characters are uneducated or “street” by loading up with the apostrophes. The words should do that work.
Excellent additions. I’d forgotten about accents and other affected speech. Very irritating to try and decipher. Folks trying to write Irish characters almost always blow that.
Paragraph-long dialogue is fine if the author has introduced me to the character sufficiently, but oftentimes in the slush pile I’ll read characters who talk for paragraphs at a time in the first few pages of a sub, which is a little tiresome. It’s like the guy you’ve just met at a dinner party who never shuts up.
One of my pet peeves too Sam.
I’m street.