Ernest Hemingway Reviews the Season Finale of LOST
They were dead all along.
Hurley was still fat. He liked opening cans. There should’ve been more hunting on the island. More boar hunting with spears. Shirtless men following the beast into the jungle, surrounding it, thrusting their spears, a final killing blow. I would have watched another season if the producers stocked the island with other animals to hunt: panthers, Kodiak bears, Wallace Stevens. If the show was more like Cabela’s Big Game Hunter on Wii. I love that Goddamned game.
There should’ve been more broads too, but on a separate island. I liked the dark-headed one. She was feisty. I wonder what she would look like in jodhpurs, polishing my rifle. The blonde one with the bad hair reminds me of my second wife.
The last episode was sappy, a candy-ass convention, everybody kissing and embracing each other. I almost changed the channel to watch some UFC. Ken Shamrock was a god. Now there was a man. He settled his problems the way a man should, half naked and choking his enemies into submission. LOST should’ve been about courage. Sawyer and Jack drinking aperitifs, and complaining about women. If only Sawyer would cut off that lady hair of his.
I didn’t even watch the show and this made me laugh. :-)
Oh, Papa Hemingway, you and your misogyny. *shakes head fondly*