We can’t all be Kings.
Hello. My name is Stephen Knezovich. Pronounced ka-nes-o-vitch. I know, it’s awful–like the hacking cough of an Eastern European hobo.
Growing up my surname served as a verbal embarrassment for myself and anyone forced to attempt a pronunciation (the most common victims being indolent telemarketers and hapless schoolmarms). It was such an awful name (even in Western PA where homeroom roll call sounds like a Russian hockey squad) that at one point my mother–whose maiden name is the very sensible, very German, Fiedler–was so fed up with the name that she campaigned for a legal name change.
Her solution was simple enough. Translate it to English. Unfortunately, in Croatian, Knezovich translates to “son of prince.” Which means if my mother was successful, the world would now know me as Stephen Prince. Jesus, could you imagine? Even if I woke up one day and accidentally published (or wrote) something I would never be better than Stephen King.
With all the recent posts about names (not to mention my girlfriend’s insistence that the to be a successful athlete you need a cool name), I’m really considering a name change. Now, I don’t want to venture too far from the original (Stephen Michael Knezovich), but if I’m going to make it as a writer, I only have two options 1) get a zippier name, or 2) actually sit down and write something.
Here’s are the names I’ve been kicking around (suggestions welcome):
Stephen Goddot
Stephen Monarch
Stephen Biggerking
Stephen K. Ing
Stephen Bur Gerking
Steve Ness
Stephen K.O. Vick
S. Michael Vick
Stephen O. Fish
Stephen K. Nice
Stevie Q.
Stephen Dan J. Vice
Kevin
Bobbie Knez
James Patterson Jr.
Steve-O.K.?
This is brilliant… and right on the nose.
I am just “O.K.”
I was born a premature baby (3 months!) so my folks kinda rushed my name. They’d only gotten through the Bs in the baby book, so they chose Brett as the book told them it meant “strong,” a fitting name for a baby in the ICU.
The book lied. I was in German class and they kept talking about this Springbrett, but it was a conversation about gymnastics and sports. I’m not a gymnast, so I was wondering why people kept saying my name.
Well, it turns out that “Brett” means “a board” or a “piece of wood” in German.
So naturally when I went to Germany, my German friends greeted me with a “Hello, my American piece of wood!”
I have yet to forgive my parents.
On a slightly cooler note, my last name is the name of a branch of the Italian/Austrian alps (The Ortler Alps).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:L%27Ortler.jpg
And if I wanted to open a hotel, the best domain name is already taken: http://www.hotelortler.com/eng/index.html
If Ellis Island Immigration officials hadn’t changed my great-grandparents’ names to something more pronounceable in English, I also would have had a long Eastern-European (Russian, actually) last name: Rusokovsky. When I found that out as a kid, I was extremely disappointed. Rusokovsky always sounded much more musical, mysterious, and cool than Rutter. And I had a friend named Lexie Vukcevic, whose last name I was always jealous of.
My point is, you should definitely keep Knezovich, at least until you publish enough books to start publishing different ones as an alter-ego. That’s my plan anyway.
Steven Burgerking. I like. Maybe you could get a corporate sponsorship. Think of all the retail outlets you could be in! There are over 12,000 Burger Kings in the world.
The origination of my own last name has been described to me variously (by family members) as French, German, Irish, English, and (I quote from my great uncle) Slovaki. On the plus side, the definitions of my other three names are “manly,” “victorious,” and “warrior.” So I win.
You could one-up King and call yourself Stephen Emperor. Stephen Deity. On the other hand, Steven Ness has the upside of both pun hyphenation and the potential nickname “Loch.”
All great suggestions. Thanks, Marcus.
Steve Jesus might work, too.
I was saving that one for myself.
Steven J. Christ
Steve, you can imagine how much blood was shed at recess over the name “Sheehy,” can’t you?
For a while in high school I rejected the last name I grew up with, McFeron (my step-father’s name) and my legal name, Richman (my bio-father’s name), and took Moravia (after reading some stories of Alberto Moravia).
How about Steven Vice Moravia?
I thought you were just owning up to “Lesser Steve.”
[...] the second time this month, I’m having some serious self doubt about who I am and what I’m all about (what can I say, my convictions are weak). My mind is [...]
oh my gosh, my boyfriend has the same last name, its so funny when the teacher tries roll call. it is a very terrible last name, but you should keep it, its unique, and besides, if you were a famous writer, people would already know how to pronounce it from hearing it so much.
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