Alice Munro dominates in the paint
Wearing their short-story shorts
I remember when the New York Times put together its list of the top works of the past 25 years several years ago, and a lot of the reaction was predictably above-it-all.
True literary types, the tenor of these criticisms went, do not engage in such vulgar displays of ranking. How can one possible say that Beloved is better than Blood Meridian? Or vice-versa?
But I kind of dug it. Not that I think there is some clear, definite answer to the question of what’s best. However, trying to think about it is entertaining and edifying: it brings me back into mental convergence with my favorite works, it makes me consider what I value and why, it forces me to think about people whose opinions might differ.
So I love these kinds of lists, and not in a defensive, guilty-pleasure way, either — more like an elevated bar talk kind of way. Sure they can be bad. But they can be good, too.
This came to mind last week, when I wrote to Marcus about my supposed “short-story all-star team.” Which was not something I had ever actually compiled. Until now.
So, as a lark and a spur to provoke others to submit their own lists, argue with this one and make up their own categories, here are my two Short-Story All-Star Teams, contemporary and all-time.
(I am writing this on Super Bowl Sunday, right before the game, and to show that I am both immune to, and infected by, the sports hysteria of our culture, I am imagining these as basketball teams.)
Contemporary Short-Story All-Stars
G – Denis Johnson
G – George Saunders
F – Kelly Link
F – Tobias Wolff
C – Alice Munro
Bench: Barry Hannah, Steven Millhauser, Aimee Bender, Stuart Dybek, Amy Hempel, Chris Adrian, Wells Tower
All-Time Short-Story All-Stars
G – Franz Kafka
G – Raymond Carver
F – Anton Chekhov
F – John Cheever
C – Alice Munro
Bench: Flannery O’Connor, Donald Barthelme, Ernest Hemingway, James Joyce, Herman Melville, Leo Tolstoy
OK. I’m right, aren’t I? These are unquestionably the best, in the right order. That’s what I thought.
Hooray for Bartheleme (my favorite!) but I say he plays center; let Munro stay on the bench.
I’m totally going to do one of these for poets on an all-star baseball team.
Great roster, Shawn. Munro is unquestionably the center on both teams. While her function may seem to be simple, a strong center wins games.
True, but it’s the lightning-fast, hot-shooting shooting guards off the bench (Hempel and O’Connor) that keep things entertaining for the fans. Even if they get a bit preachy in their postgame interviews.
Can we make a Globetrotters team out of these folks? Maybe with Saunders, Link, and Bender, and then possibly Denis Johnson and either Millhauser or Barthelme. I’d like to see those ballhandling tricks.
And am I right in thinking that Hemingway is the Dennis Rodman of this group?
Even though he’s a coach, I think Hemingway’s basketball equivalent is Bobby Knight.
Love this. Great post!
I’ve always considered Munro more of a swing guard. And Wells Tower? He’s a bit of a rookie to make this roster. Here’s my contemporary list:
G – Amy Hempel
G – Denis Johnson
F – Alice Munro
F – Barry Hannah
C – Tobias Wolff
I’d like Gaitskill off the bench for some quick scores and Lorrie Moore to run the offense. David Foster Wallace subs in for Munro when we need versatility.
Also, I think there’s a second team of All-Time All-Stars to combat yours: Fitzgerald a bit faster than Carver, Faulkner trying to muscle Cheever in the low post and Andre Dubus fighting Munro for rebounds.
Hooray for Fitzie. MN, represent!
And I know I’m a know-nothing poet, but what about good old Hemingway?
Hemingway is coming off Shawn’s bench, but that is a bit of a surprise. Shouldn’t some deference be given to the similar players when one precedes the other, i.e. Hemingway over Carver?
Come on, you’d really rather have Mikan over Chamberlain? Progress, man.
I totally spaced Hem. My bad.
maybe — honestly, i lack enthusiasm for hemingway. i recognize some great stories, but i haven’t ever had the deep love for him that many others seem to. whereas carver is a writer i took much more to heart.
actually, i want to trade for faulkner. that was an oversight.
yeah, tower’s a youngster. if I hadn’t read his book so recently, i might not have even considered him. but i did like it a whole lot.
I would think Faulkner replaces Munro on the all-timers. I’ll trade you him for Hemingway and cash considerations.
I don’t speak basketball. At all.
So, like Brett, I’m going with baseball.
Left field: Aimee Bender
Center: Alice Munro
Right: Denis Johnson
3rd: Lorrie Moore
Shortstop: Kelly Link
2nd: Grace Paley
1st: Andre Dubus
Ace pitcher: Stuart Dybek
Catcher: Amy Hempel
Closer: Flannery O’Connor
And since this is the American League, DH: James Joyce
Pitching coach: Carver
Batting coach: Chekhov
Hemingway would be the grumpy, alcoholic manager.
I think you’ve got to move Munro to first or third; she’s got range but not speed. And I’m not sure about Hempel behind the plate; I think her quickness is best used in the middle infield. In any case I don’t want Dybek shrugging off every one of her signs.
I like the addition of coaches; who’s the GM? You need somebody who’s shrewd and not afraid to take chances, but also very level-headed and ultimately on the fans’ side. Tobias Wolff, maybe? We could call him T-Wolf.
Yeah, the backstop’s gotta be the brains of the operation. They are like the quarterback of the baseball field. I’d O’Connor behind the plate.
Hmm. Johnson would make a good closer, I think.
i meant: I’d have O’connor behind the plate. Damn.
Hempel’s crafty. She’d call a good game. I thought O’Connor would be a good closer, since I like her endings so much (har har).
Waka-Waka about endings.
Yeah, I’m not knocking Hempel. I just think that the of the whole crew, O’Connor knew the game the best, yeah?
And I totally see Johnson as a closer with a hard slider and a 99 mph heater, blowing batters away.
Yeah, Hemingway is pretty much the literary version of Billy Mitchell. After a game, Mitchell got in a drunken brawl with one of his OWN pitchers.
Another gem (from Wikipedia): After the 1979 season, Martin got into a fight with marshmallow salesman Joseph Cooper at a hotel in Minneapolis.
Who fights a marshmallow salesman?!
Who knew there was such a thing as a marshmallow salesman?
OK, so if this is the all-star team, who would be this season’s Nets or the MN Timberwolves. Or in baseball terms, who’d be the Kansas City Royals?
Or the Washington Nationals.
Re: the contemporary squad: You’ve got a good, deep bench. Use it. Bench Saunders. Cut Link.
Also: Is Gordon Lish Carver’s personal trainer?
Yes. And also his steroids supplier (you know he’s on the juice), though of course Carver had no idea what was in that skin cream…
yeah, yeah.
I like to get my digs in whenever I can.
(if you’re still out there) but if you cut link, you’ve got to nominate a replacement.
You’ve got a good roster waiting for you. Why, for instance, are Bender and Hempel sitting out?
Gaitskill would never try out for sports, so that’s a wash.
There isn’t really room for them on the “all-time” bench, but Paley and Porter should at least get to attend practice.
I’d like to see Stacey Richter on the bench in place of Bender, and have her sub in for Link a lot.
I want to see Richter in there too. And Larry Brown. And Breece Pancake.
Forgot about Pancake. Damn.
I went with a 25-player baseball roster and added coaches and a GM:
* Front Office
John Updike, general manager
* Coaching Staff
James Joyce, manager
Leo Tolstoy, bench coach
John Cheever, pitching coach
Anton Chekhov, hitting coach
Franz Kafka, 3rd base coach
Herman Melville, 1st base coach
Gordon Lish, strength & conditioning coach
William Maxwell, trainer
* Starting Lineup
Flannery O’Connor, P
Ernest Hemingway, C
Jhumpa Lahiri, 3B
Alice Munro, CF
Stuart Dybek, RF
Charles D’Ambrosio, DH
Donald Barthelme, LF
Richard Bausch, 1B
Andre Dubus, SS
Richard Ford, 2B
* Bullpen
George Saunders (set-up man)
Denis Johnson (closer)
Tobias Wolff (long relief)
T.C. Boyle
Lorrie Moore
Joy Williams
Aimee Bender
* Starting Pitchers
Barry Hannah (knuckleballer)
William Trevor
Grace Paley
Annie Proulx
* Bench
Chris Offutt
Junot Diaz
Wells Tower
Rick Bass
I think you’ve got to have Gaitskill in that lineup, or at least on the bench. She’s like Jay Buhner without the defense–creates a lot of outs, but she will knock you silly if you misbehave. Swings for the fences and misses more often than not.
Shawn, the great thing about putting Dennis Johnson at shooting guard is that Dennis Johnson actually was a great shooting guard for the Sonic in the ’70s, then the Celtics in the ’80s. Nice. And Alice Munro seems an easy pick as center, starting pitcher, or quarterback. She never fails to startle, humble, and amaze.
As for the baseball people, how is Kafka not the ultimate knuckleball pitcher? No one’s stories have left me feeling more foolish and perplexed.
I started making a football team, in the spirit of the season, but Jesus Christ, I have writing to do…
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This post was mentioned on Twitter by WillowSprings: who starts, and who rides the pine on your literary all-star team? http://tr.im/Nlnl...
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